Try to Fix You
by Fandom-Lover316
Summary: Sydnie Rawlings only ever hoped to get the part Doctor Who. Now that she got it will she be able to deal with all the stress of Doctor Who without uncovering her dark past. Will Jenna and Matt be able to help her? Sorry Story much better than summary hopefully. Contains Abuse and Self Harm
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there! This is an idea that just came to me during class one day. Sorry, there's probably a lot of mistakes in here, but I was trying to get this uploaded before dinner. I would like to know if you guys think I should continue so reviews greatly appreciated. Also Sadly I don't own Doctor Who. **

I was nervous more nervous than I had ever been. I couldn't help myself I just was. All my father's negative words probably weren't helping. Even though I knew there was no use it was out of my hands. I tried to think of the positives. At-least I knew the part really well I mean all I had to do was close my eyes and I'd remember every night and sometimes the days at dad's house. Every scar I had on my body every harsh word said to me. The part I had to play was an abused thirteen year old. Heck, I had played that part since I was nine.

I knew it wasn't likely I would get the part considering the fact I had auditioned for a part in _Doctor Who_. I had seen some of the other kids resumes and almost all of them had been in a small parts in a show some even main characters. While I had only been the main characters in the plays my local theater put on and my school. I shook my head none of this worrying would help me now. I just had to wait until they called. I was glad they would call either way I couldn't bare the thought of sitting there waiting for a phone call when it wasn't going to come.

I heard the knock on her door and spun around in my desk chair and said, "Come in."

My sister, Grace, popped her head in and timidly asked, "Hey Syd do you mind helping me with my homework?" I nodded my head and waved her in. Grace shut the door behind her knowing if Mom came home and found me doing her homework mom would kill both of us. Grace walked over to me carrying the book her class had currently been reading _The Odyssey. _Even though Grace was in eleventh grade and I was in only in eighth. Grace and I had worked out a deal. Each week I would do Grace's English homework and Grace would give me some of her paycheck. Grace handed me the book and gave me a grateful smile.

I couldn't help but feel grateful myself maybe this would help pass the time. I grabbed the house phone of its shelf to make sure I would hear it if it went off. I slipped under the covers of my bed and started reading. I woke up to the ringing of a telephone. Disoriented I scrambled over to my desk and yanked up the phone the caller ID said some random number I had never heard of. I hit answer and said, "Hello."

"Hello, is this Sydnie Rawlings?" a man asked. The voice was so familiar but yet I couldn't place it.

"Yes, sir" I answered.

"Do you have a parent at home?" the man said.

I looked at the clock it was only 4:30 there was no way mom would be home before 5:30. "No sir," I said.

"Can you tell them something for me, Sydnie?" He asked.

"Yes, sir." I answered. I really wish the man would just tell me who he was and what he was calling for. I started to get the feeling that he wasn't calling to say if I got the part in _Doctor Who_ or not.

The man asked, "Sydnie, do you know who I am?"

Suddenly it hit me. How could I not have noticed before. Wouldn't he have his assistant or something call though. "Steven Moffat," I said shakingly into the phone.

"Yes," he said "well I just called to congratulate you on getting the part."

"Excuse me," I asked when suddenly it hit me. "Wait you mean I got the part!" I exclaimed.

"Yes I would like to see you tomorrow at eleven at the BBC warehouse if it isn't too much to ask.

"No sir, umm that's perfectly fine," I said excitement coursing through me I honestly couldn't breathe. I was going to go see Steven Moffat tomorrow at eleven I mean I was talking to the Steven Moffat.

"Okay, well it will be a pleasure working with you and I will see you tomorrow."

"Thank you sir. It will be a pleasure working with you too. Thank you so much for the part and I will see you tomorrow. Have a great night bye."

"Bye, Sydnie." He ended the call and I stared at the phone I couldn't believe I had gotten the part. Wait, how had I gotten the part. I wasn't anything special. Maybe it was a charity case. Maybe he saw the news report about me and felt bad. No, he wouldn't have done that I mentally scold myself he wouldn't ruin his show to make me feel good about myself. Maybe I just really was a good actress. I shook my head remembering the other kid's resumes they had actual television show. Well, I guess they had to start somewhere too, didn't they?

I closed my eyes maybe this was a joke some sick joke somebody on the set had made up. No, they wouldn't do that. At least I hoped they wouldn't do that. Beside it couldn't be a joke or a charity case they hadn't seen the news that night they hadn't been in Cardiff filming at the time. Maybe there was another child named Sydnie Rawlings. I shook my head Sydnie Rawlings wasn't a real common name, was it? No, I thought decidedly I was talking about BBC they didn't just mess up phone numbers and people's names.

I didn't really know what to do. I knew I could tell mom she had to drive me tomorrow, but could I tell Grace or Aidan. Maybe, they didn't even watch the show. I would ask Mr. Moffat about it tomorrow I decided. I closed my eyes too many decisions looking me in the eye. I close my eyes letting my thoughts swirl around my mind.

_"Please," I whispered, "I didn't mean to it was an accident I promise." Tears were streaming down my face anywhere else I would have cared, but not right now the pain was too much. Even thought my face was covered in tears I bet it looked better than any other body part right now. Blood was streaming from the open wounds words cut into my skin some from his knife some from my razor blade. Bruises covered my body from my neck to my feet never the face. He learned never to do that._

_"You liar!, he screamed many times do I need to tell you to never disrespect me. Fat cow."_

_"Please," I whispered, "please." I knew I shouldn't wish this, but I did. I wished Aidan would hear his screams and my yelps hear the whoosh of his belt hitting me the sound of the knife cutting into my back. He wouldn't though he never did. Aidan would come in see him and call the police. He would go to jail and Aidan and I would never have to deal with him again._

I opened my eyes and tried to blink away the tears. Key word there tried and of course mom decided to walk in at that exact moment and see me sobbing standing there looking like a fool. Great now she was really going to want to put me in therapy. I could play this off though I could say they were tears of happiness.

"Sydnie oh my why are you crying. Wait, did they call did you get the part or not either way I am so proud of you. More than you will ever know."

I let her engulf me in a hug. I knew I should tell her, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her. She had been so obsessed with work lately. Well, I couldn't blame her after everything that had happened over the last year. Sometimes it almost felt like she refused to look at me, too much pain I decided. Eventually I broke away from her grasp and put a smile on my face which the longer I continued to fake my smiles the easier it became.

"I got a call earlier on from Steven Moffat," I said softly, "He said I got the part. He said he wants to meet me tomorrow at eleven at the BBC warehouse!" I exclaimed. For the first time in a while my smile is real.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! I just noticed my last chapter didn't have any indentions, but when I was editing it I put them there. Will somebody please tell me how to do indentions because I use Microsoft Word and when I transfer it over the indentions aren't there anymore. Sadly though I don't own Doctor Who blah blah blah**.** You know the usual. Also Sydnie lives in England, but I didn't want to mess up the school system or something and offend somebody. I just figured it would be easier to write it like I am, so I don't offend anyone. Sorry if it's confusing. Just wanted to make it clear. Hope you enjoy. :)**

I close my eyes wanting to see mom's expression when I told her. She looked excited, proud, and a mixture of some other stuff but there was no pain no sadness. Only good expressions crossed her face. For the first time in months she actually looked proud of me. Knock knock knock, "Sydnie, make sure you grabbed a towel," Grace says.

"I did. Thank you for reminding me though," I half yell half shout so she can hear me over the shower I just started. I listen to her loud foot steps as she walks away. I quickly lock the door and take off my dirty clothes. I grab the old metal altoids container that contains my life support. I yank it open and look at the contents it contains. A few band-aids of varying sizes and shapes, some alcohol wipes, and a small shiny razor blade. I picked up the blade and inspect it making sure there's not any rust on it. Don't want another mistake like last time. I had to go outside and get myself cut with rusty barbed wire. I shudder remembering the amount of shots and antibiotics I had to take. It looks okay. I mean I just started using this one last week it should be fine.

I step into the shower and do my usual routine. Shampoo, conditioner, body, face, and then finishing it up with my razor blade. It was a routine like everything else in my life and if I broke it I would probably have a panic attack. After last time when mom threatened to put me in therapy I knew I had to be the perfect child. Honestly it wasn't that hard all I had to do was get good grades which even though I was in advanced classes it was rather simple to get all A's. I had to continue to practice my piano and guitar, do my chores, and go to soccer practice. Easy sleazy. Well not really mom just didn't understand she thought routine would make everything better. While it did help sometimes most the time it just put more stress on me. Gave me more anxiety, but I could never tell her that.

I finished cleaning my face. Now came my favorite part of taking a shower. The part wear all my problems, fears, and worries disappear only for a second though. I pick up the razor blade and look at my thigh. I always cut on my thighs nobody ever checked the thighs. Most the time I would just do lines but sometimes I would cut words whatever I felt like really. _Fat cow. Stupid. Slut. Ugly. Worthless. _Was just some of the words that littered my leg.

I slide the sharp edge of my razor across the side of my thigh than stop. I watch as small droplets of blood collect at the skin then spill over onto the rest of my leg. I watch in a strange fascination then bring the razor across my leg again and again. Watching as my own personal art piece is made. After about twenty cuts each about an inch and a half I decide I need to hurry up or somebody is going to ask me if I'm okay in here. I put my leg under the steaming water smiling at the burning sensation that comes from all the cuts. I quickly turn off the shower and wrap a towel around me. I dry off and begin to tend to my cuts hopefully I won't get an infection. There would be no way of hiding it then.

I step out of the bathroom making sure to hide the metal container in between my dirty clothes in case anybody sees me. Which I'm thankful for because right when I step out into the hallway Grace is walking to her bedroom. I quickly slip my dirty clothes into the hamper and rush to my bedroom. I shut the door and put the gum container in its hiding spot in the very back of my bookshelf.

I hear a knock on my door, "Come in," I say.

My mom walks in smiling, "Did you have fun tonight?" she asks. After I told her we went out for a celebration of some sorts. We went to the movies, ate out, and got ice cream after.

I nod my head, "I had a lot of fun!" I say.

She nods her head, "I'm glad. I hope you enjoyed yourself you've seemed a bit depressed lately." One sentence can send me from an okay mood spiraling into a horrible one.

"Oh, I wouldn't say depressed," I claim, "more of stress really. You know with going to a new school and everything." She needs to stop calling me depressed. Depression is a mental illness not an emotion like happy or sad. I don't tell her that though I don't want to upset her. Besides that could be the tip of the iceberg that sends me into therapy. Don't ask me why I just have that gut feeling it would.

She nods her head. She seems to believe me, "I'm sorry you had to move schools, sweetie. It's just your teachers told me that you were getting bullied because of what happened."

I don't know what to do I'm frozen do I tell her the truth that they were or do I tell her a lie that they weren't. Either way I could end up in therapy. I know therapy isn't a big deal, but it is for me. I know whoever I talk to will judge me. Ask me why I didn't tell somebody. They don't understand though they never would. They would never understand I deserved this. Every beating I deserved because of something I did. They would just tell me I didn't, but I did and they knew it too. They just wouldn't admit it. "They did," I state calmly, "but everybody at my new school is so nice. They are so welcoming and kind." I want to die I feel horrible lying to Mom but what else do I do. I mean it's not like they are mean to me and I have friends on my soccer team and Sam and Ali. It's just a few kids that can really get to me.

" That's wonderful sweetie, but I still want to have you go to therapy." I start to protest. "Sydnie, just for one session and if you absolutely positively hate it you don't have to go again. I just think it will help to talk about everything and maybe she can give you something to help with you anxiety. Sydnie, I know you really don't want to and I have no idea why but, do you really want to wake up every night screaming because your nightmares. Please, Sydnie, please just once." I look at her she's now begging me.

"Fine," I mutter, "One session." I need to be a perfect child.

She smiles, "Thank you. Now you might what to finish up getting ready for bed you have a big day tomorrow. Good night, sweetie. I love you!"

"Good night Mom love you!" I smile. She kisses the top and my head and walks out shutting the door behide me. I close my eyes what did I just agree to.


End file.
